Children need love, care, and safety; they need families

The Greatest terror a child can have is that he is not loved, and rejection is the hell of fears...... And, with rejection comes anger, and with anger some kind of crime in revenge for the rejection, and with crime, guilt - and there is the story of humankind. John Steinbeck, East of Eden

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Oh, Those Difficult, Hard to Manage, Out of Control Kids... Keep Them!

As we diligently work to help our hurt children behave appropriately, manage their anger, and free themselves from defiance and violence, it may help to remember that for which they are fighting for.

Anna Quindlin writes,

Recently a young mother asked for advice. What, she wanted to know, was she to do with a 7-year-old who was obstreperous, outspoken, and inconveniently willful? "Keep her," I replied.... The suffragettes refused to be polite in demanding what they wanted or grateful for getting what they deserved. Works for me.
Could it be that our hurt children, in their struggle for survival are fighting for life? Perhaps they are fighting for attention to know they mean something to someone; for unconditional love to know that they deserve care and kindness just because they are here on this planet?  Maybe their fight is for recognition that they exist, or nurturing to help them grow?

In our modern society we tend to take things away from misbehaving children; we take away their toys, their privileges, their freedom.  We take away parents and loved ones.  We take away hugs, and kisses, and nurturing. 

Perhaps, just as a tender peony wilts when the sun, water, and nutrients are removed, so too our children will wither when their basic needs for love, attention, and belonging are unmet?  Maybe they need more not less?  Maybe they need more nurturing, more kindness, more dedication; more reassurance that they are valuable and worthwhile, and lovable.

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